


end of the road.

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Other, blue veins, i...got sad and had to do this, little comfort??, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29483445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Zolf takes out a target.
Relationships: Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom/Zolf Smith, Commander James Barnes/Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom, Commander James Barnes/Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom/Zolf Smith
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	end of the road.

Zolf  _ can’t _ go in there. It’s what he  _ has  _ to do, but he can’t force his legs to take him in. Like they’ve rusted in place out of his sheer stubbornness.

Cel’s been locked up in there for days now. He could hear their harsh, shallow breaths through the thin walls as he slept outside. It took awhile for the party to come to this decision, but it’s one they needed to make.

They’re gone. They’ve been gone for...well he doesn’t even know how long. He should have seen the signs earlier, should’ve known there was something wrong. After all he’d...he and Cel had become close over this long journey. It was careless maybe, but the silent comfort the two of them took in each other was too great to ignore. As he stands outside in the bitter cold, he finds himself paying a great price for it.

Azu was the one who spotted it. She cried out in shock and lifted up their sleeve. There they were bright as day. A deep, mocking blue running up their arm. Cel tried to stammer an explanation. They were surprisingly on the defensive. The rest of the party all took a look around at one another and in that moment agreed. They tied them up. Cel fought, angry and hurt. They all but spit in Zolf’s face when he placed them in their makeshift holding cell. The sparkle in their eyes he’d grown used to was gone, and he wondered for just how long.

No one brought it up, but the looks of pity Azu and Wilde gave him in the convening days were enough. He spent this time away from the party. He tried to not let this consume him, but he felt so weak. At night he’d just curl in on himself. The part in his chest that held his hope felt so far away. The few times he’s reached out to it have just felt in vain.

He shakes himself back to the present as the door looms over him. He closes his eyes and takes in a breath. He holds it and counts.

1

2

3

He releases. He opens his eyes.

He enters through the door.

It’s dark but he can still see. He looks anywhere but their direction. It smells like smoke and he can feel the electricity in the air, like he could snap his finger and sparks would shoot out. It’s a damp and overwhelming feeling.

“Zolf,” he hears them croak out. He finally looks.

His breath catches. He winces and tries to turn away but they snap at him, “Look at me.” He does.

They’re a wreck. Half their body covered in pulsing and raised blue veins. They’re drenched in sweat. They’ve… transformed into something. The non-infected half looks like some sort of… bird. Their one hand now clawed. Their skin is scaly with one pupil’s dilated. They try and smile but it doesn’t quite work.

“I, uh, tried to transform to see it would help. Turns out it doesn’t agree with that,” they offer. He can tell now how muttered their voice is with only half their mouth working, voice deep and scratchy and so unlike their usual soft but excitable tone.

Zolf clenches his hands into fist and flares his nose. He didn’t mean for it to get this bad. He thinks they’re doing a good job at hiding it, but there’s no doubt they’re in pain. The last thing he ever wanted.

He takes a small step forward and watches them the whole time.

Cel tries to curl away, but they're so big and restrained they can’t go far. Their eyes meet and Zolf sees a little bit of that sparkle back in them. His stomach leaps up into his throat.

“Cel,” he whispers, “I…”

_ ‘Why didn’t you tell us,’ _ he wants to say. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s a little angry at them as much as he’s angry  _ for _ them. There’s plenty of people he knew at the beginning of this mess that tried to hide it like they did, and it never turned out well. For anyone involved. He hoped they would have been smarter after all they’ve been through, all they’ve seen.

But he bites his tongue, because the time they have left is numbered and he’ll be damned if he wastes it arguing. It wasn’t worth it. It rarely ever is.

“I’m sorry, Zolf,” they say after a moment. He stops just before their feet and he looks down at them. He then sits cross legged. He can feel the heat radiating from them, can see even more up close how mangled they’ve become. He wants to reach out, but he can’t risk it. Even being this close is stupid, but maybe a little bit in this moment, he doesn’t care.

“I’m sorry, Cel,” he parrots back. They give a distorted laugh. He hates it.

“This is my own fault I thought… I thought maybe if I could test this on myself. Try and figure out how to cure it my own way… to help,” they trail off. They look exhausted and Zolf feels it, too.

The knife in his pocket weighs heavier. He sets a hand over it.

“Cel I… you probably know why i’m here,” he says. It’s blunt but there’s no use in hiding it. His voice almost breaks, but he swallows it down.

They again try to smile but it again doesn’t quite work. They nod slowly instead.

He closes his eyes and lets out a frustrated cry. This isn’t fair. He’s lived a life of things not being fair but this? This has been the worst of it. The worst of it since Feryn anyway. Maybe the worst of it even since Sasha…

Except at least with this he has some sort of chance to say a proper goodbye.

The words are caught in his throat though as he continues to be stubborn. His chest burns with his hope but he’s not taking comfort in it.

“It’s okay, Zolf,” they say. He bites his lip. They try and reach out but he pulls away. They drop it.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

Cel closes their eyes and accepts their fate. They seem at peace, whatever that means in their state.

He stands again and takes out the knife. He walks closer to them.

“Goodbye, Zolf,” they say, eyes still closed.

“Goodbye, Cel,” he says.

He brings the knife to their throat.

He drags it across.

He wastes no time setting them on fire. He leaves.

He doesn’t talk to anyone for the next few days and when they return to the Ursans it’s business as usual. He has a job. He’s first mate, after all. No one brings it up, but he hears the whispers in the night. He can’t blame his friends or his captain for being so concerned, he just doesn't want to deal with it.

The first night they’re all back on the airship is when he finally decided to talk to Barnes.

He finds him sitting out on the deck looking out into the sky. They greet each other in silence and Zolf focuses on the stars.

Barnes is the one to speak first, “I don’t think i’ll ever be used to seeing this many stars at one time,” he muses, “I mean, in the navy out on the open sea we saw tons of stars, but never like this. It’s… immaculate,” he says.

Zolf is too distracted to give a verbal reply, so he just nods. He’s thought about what to say for weeks now but now in this moment he’s truly speechless.

Barnes sighs, “Was trying for a distraction. Don’t think it worked.”

Zolf actually laughs at that. It’s a small one, but it’s genuine, “sorry,” he mutters.

Barnes turns from the ledge and sits on the deck. Zolf follows. They sit in silence.

“They were good until the end, yeah?” he asks.

Zolf hesitates, brain scrambling to find the proper words. He looks out to the ship in front of him. “Yeah… until the end,” he finally replies.

Barnes smiles at that. He leans gently into Zolf’s shoulder. The warm contact calms them both. The shared emotions flowing through now.

“James I don’t know what to say-”

“I’m sorry, Zolf,” Barnes interrupts, “Sorry you had to do that on your own. Know it was probably easier, but then again it never really is, is it?”

“No. No it’s not,” Zolf replies honestly.

Silence consumes both of them now. Zolf wishes, begs himself to say more but he just… can’t. Not now. Maybe later. He knows Barnes understands, but that doesn’t make him feel any less awful about it.

They both cared for Cel in a way that the others couldn’t relate to. Now they’re gone and the two men have to fix themselves together, all the while continuing to try and save the world from a disease that took away one more person they loved. It sucked, plain and simple, and Zolf still found himself angry about it, but it’s done, and no amount of fury can change it. So he swallows it down.

The two men sit there for a little while longer to grieve before they head back to their rooms. Barnes gives Zolf one last look, he returns with one of his own.

They’re still a lot left to heal, but he basks in the comfort of his hope to help him get him through this one night.

**Author's Note:**

> all i am ever thinking about is Cel getting blue veined i'm SORRY.
> 
> also i've been radio silent for like a month now and to put it simply i've just Been Out Of It but i'm hoping to start writing again soon <3
> 
> thanks for readin; hope you enjoyed? maybe?


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